Challenges to Being
a Compassionate Leader

Last month’s article was about how to be a compassionate leader. Almost all the challenges that keep you from being a compassionate leader involve judging others. Diane Berke¹ writes, “The major block to compassion is the judgment in our minds.” Here are some of the ways that judging others separates us cognitively and emotionally:

“Your suffering isn’t that serious.”
When you tell yourself that the other person’s suffering isn’t serious, you are saying that the person doesn’t deserve compassion. When a team member says, “I’m totally overwhelmed with work,” are you dismissively thinking, “Be glad you have a job in this economy”, “Get over it, we’re all in the same boat” or “Stop whining and wasting my time”? When someone says, “I can’t get any cooperation from the other division,” do you think, “That’s what we pay you to do – make it happen”? Suffering isn’t a competition. Another person’s suffering doesn’t have to exceed yours for you to be compassionate.

“You contributed to your problem.”
In this version of judging, the person must be fault-free to earn your compassion. If the person didn’t take complete initiative, didn’t respond as effectively as possible, or didn’t seek help early enough, they don’t get your compassion. But most of us contribute at least somewhat (if not largely) to our own challenges. If you extend compassion only to those who have made no contribution to their problems, you will exclude most of the people you work with and yourself.

“You’re acting like a victim.”
A victim is, by definition, someone not able to help himself. People act like victims when they discount their ability to help themselves or blame others for their problems. It doesn’t mean they’re not suffering, it only means they don’t see the extent of their ability and responsibility to do something about a problem. If you believe that a person is acting like a victim – even if they are not – you will probably either get angry at them or feel pity for them. In either case, you won’t be able to respond with compassion.