Coaching With Curiosity Builds Commitment

A client – call him Frank – recently called because he was frustrated trying to use his Mutual Learning skills to coach one of his direct reports. Frank said that his subordinate, Bill, was an outstanding technical expert, probably the most knowledgeable person on his team. But Bill needed to improve how he held other team members accountable for completing assignments and how he presented information to upper management. This was not a disciplinary situation, but a time when Frank wanted to help Bill develop and move up in the organization. Frank thought coaching would be a useful approach, and we agreed.

But when we probed Frank’s frustration, it turned out that he had told Bill he was going to coach him and then explained – with specific examples – the situations that Bill should handle more skillfully. Frank and Bill had met several times, and Frank spent most of the time modeling how he would handle similar situations. Bill agreed with Frank, but did not seem to be making any changes. Bill was doing a lot of telling but not enough asking. Here are some pointers we shared with Frank.

Mutual Learning Coaching begins with curiosity. That curiosity is expressed through rich, genuine questions. The first set of questions are the ones we ask ourselves when we think we may coach someone. As Dale likes to say, “Coaching is an inside job.” Then we go on to ask questions that stimulate our clients’ personal reflection and help them clarify choices. To develop commitment to change, the client (who may be a peer, team member, direct report or internal customer) must find his own answers. We can guide and make suggestions, but our primary role is to help the client discover and explore barriers and possibilities. We guide the exploration through zesty questions.

Begin coaching with questions you ask yourself. Questions we find productive include:

• Is coaching right for this situation and this person? Am I trying to “fix” this person or am I genuinely interested in and curious about what will help this person grow in his or her own chosen way?
• Am I competent to offer this person the kind of assistance he or she needs?
• Is there anything preventing me from being unconditionally supportive of this person, even when he or she makes choices I do not think advisable?

Then ask questions to be certain the client is willing to be coached by you using a mutual learning approach. We ask basic contracting questions at this stage, as well as provide relevant information about our approach to coaching. For a description of that approach, see Chapter 57, “The Facilitative Coach,” in The Skilled Facilitator Fieldbook or our book, Facilitative Coaching. The fundamental question to be answered is whether the other person is interested in and willing to commit to a coaching relationship with you.

During the coaching relationship, continue to ask questions of yourself and questions of the client.

Questions we find it helpful to ask ourselves during a coaching relationship include:

• Is anything preventing me from being fully present with this client? If so, what do I need to do to be fully present?
• Am I moving into a judging mind with the client rather than remaining curious and open to learning and exploring?
• Am I projecting my own issues, concerns or interests onto what the client is sharing?
• What assumptions am I making about this client and his or her situation? How might these be blocking my curious exploration with this client? Which assumptions are important to test?

There are hundreds of genuinely curious questions you can ask your clients. Some of the questions we find to elicit new awareness for clients are:

• Are you moving toward something you want and are passionate about or are you making a choice because you fear something or wish to avoid a risk or negative outcome?
• How might you be contributing to the problem/dilemma/difficulty you are describing?
• What obstacle is blocking your progress? What would be one small step you could take toward overcoming your obstacle?
• What assumptions are you making about this situation? Which assumptions are important to test? How can you test them?
• How are you judging yourself around this issue? Where and how can you find compassion for yourself around this issue?
• What is your internal story about this (event, person, issue, etc.)?
• What are the payoffs for continuing to do just what you are already doing?
• What are the consequences of [that action or behavior] in the short run? In the long run? Are you trading short-term gain for long-term loss of effectiveness?
• How have you met a similar challenge successfully in the past?
• Would you be willing to explore your reasoning about this?
• What are you thinking but not saying?
• What past experience(s) led you to think about this situation in that way?
• What is the specific habit you need to create in order to fully manifest your gift?

Two resources that offer great examples for leaders and coaches are Making Questions Work (2007) by Dorothy Strachan and The Art of the Question (1998) by Marilee Goldberg. Make a practice of developing your own effective, curious questions. Notice when someone asks you a question that takes your mind in new or productive directions. Write it down and try to think of three other similar questions. Enjoy asking and see how much you learn and how much more committed others become to moving forward with you!

Originally published August 2006