Facing Your Inner Critic
We all have an inner critic living inside us who speaks up at times, in varying degrees, negatively evaluating our own actions and those of others. As leaders we have many opportunities to deal with our inner critic. We might doubt or judge ourselves harshly about how we dealt with our team or a client. Our critical voice often results from early shaming or humiliating, and fear-based experiences. We internalize these negative critical messages about ourselves and replay them in our minds. The inner critic evolves as a coping strategy in response to these early experiences.
The bottom line is when our inner critic rears its head, our experience is painful and distracting.
However, by addressing our inner critic, we can develop our compassion for others and ourselves. Compassion is the antidote to the inner critic. Though it may seem counter-intuitive, the critical part of us is actually our ally. When the inner critic arises, we can listen and make a choice about how much power and attention we will give that part of ourselves. We can also identify any useful, valid information our inner critic may have for us. Gradually, by paying attention to our inner critic in this way, its strength diminishes because we can more quickly move through the cycle of acknowledging, choosing and then releasing that part of ourselves. Each time we hear our inner critic’s voice, we can acknowledge it and make a choice for compassion. By doing this we can:
- Recognize that many of our judgments are high-level inferences and assumptions
- Choose to shift our behavior from fear-based unilateral control to a Mutual Learning approach
- Develop our compassion and take responsibility for our actions, laying less blame on others
- Deepen our compassion for others
As we begin befriending our inner critic, we can use our interventions with others to help them enter the same process.
Originally published December 2006
