How to Use Mutual Learning When You Think You Can’t

“I think the Mutual Learning approach is very useful, but aren’t there times when you have to use the unilateral control approach?” This is one of the most common questions I’m asked when I lead The Skilled Facilitator Intensive Workship or Smart Leaders, Smarter Teams workshop.

Mutual Learning and Unilateral Control

The Mutual Learning approach and the unilateral control approach are fundamentally different ways of thinking and behaving, which generate very different results. Both are based on the premise that your mindset (values and assumptions) leads to your behavior, which create three results for you and those you work with: performance, working relationships, and individual well-being. Mutual Learning increases performance, strengthens work relationships, and enhances well-being. Unilateral control erodes each of them.

Situations in Which People Think They Can’t Use Mutual Learning

Below are the two most common situations in which people who want to use the Mutual Learning approach, falsely assume they need to use the unilateral control approach. In one situation, you cannot seek information from your direct reports; in the other situation you can share information with them. For each situation, I describe the situation, explain how the assumption that you cannot use Mutual Learning is false, and show how you can use Mutual Learning in the situation.

When you can’t seek information from your direct reports before you make a decision and directing them to implement it. In Mutual Learning, seeking information from others before making a decision and directing others to implement it increases the quality of the decision and the commitment of others to implementing it. However, there are several ways in which you may not be able to get input before making or implementing a decision. First, there may not be enough time. Someone or some circumstance is requiring you to immediately make a decision or immediately implement a decision they have made. Second, a decision has been made by you or others that is non-negotiable. In these situations, getting input from your direct reports seems disingenuous. Third, you work in a team or organization that uses a command-and-control structure that is essential for the nature of its work. For example, you work in a unit of a military, paramilitary, or emergency services organization that is actively performing the service. In these operations, the work itself is dangerous, lives are at risk, and quick action is often critical. During the performance of these services, giving and following orders are usually necessary.

In this situation, the false assumption is that you have to seek the input before the decision is made or implemented. This is ideal, but Mutual Learning does not necessarily require it. If a situation prevents you from seeking input before making a decision and directing others to implement it, you are still using Mutual Learning to the extent you can answer yes to the questions in the table below. If you take these steps, you are using the directive form of Mutual Learning and can still create some of the Mutual Learning results; if you don’t take these steps, you are using the directive form of unilateral control and will create poorer results.

Below is a chart that helps you decide whether you are using Mutual Learning or unilateral control in these situations. Effective organizations that use command and control because of the nature of the work, address these questions after each event in what is called an after-action review, incident review, or post mortem. This after event process essentially uses a form of Mutual Learning for a team to reflect on, identify gaps in, and redesign how they will work together in future command and control situations.

When you direct others to implement a decision that you have made, do you . .	Unilateral Control Directive	Mutual Learning Directive
. . .get input from them before making the decision?	No, even when feasible	Yes, when feasible
. . . consider their interests, assumptions, and relevant information if you can’t get their input?	No	Yes
. . . explain the reasoning for the decision after you make the decision?	No	Yes
. . . ask whether the decision creates problems for them?	No	Yes
. . . try to mitigate problems created by the decision?	No	Yes

When you can’t share information with your direct reports. In Mutual Learning, sharing relevant information with your direct reports enables them to perform their jobs better. It also increases their trust in you. However, there are times when you have information that can’t be shared with others either at all or until a later time. You may have personnel information that is prohibited by law to be shared with others, with the exception of certain individuals. You may have financial information about your organization (for example, about a merger or acquisition, layoffs, reorganization) that can only be shared after a certain date has passed or an event has occurred.

In this situation, the false assumption is that if you must withhold information, you must also withhold that you have relevant information you are withholding. Mutual Learning recognizes there are conditions under which you cannot share information with others. However, in these situations Mutual Learning also recognizes that you are often able to share the relevant information that you can’t share the content of the relevant information you have.

For example, if your team is discussing potential solutions to a problem and you know that upcoming layoffs will make their solution unworkable, you might say something like, “I have some information that leads me to know that the solution we’re discussing will not work and I’m not at liberty to share that information now. I know this makes it more difficult for you to solve this problem. I’ll share the information as soon as I’m permitted to. I’m asking you to trust me on this one.” This Mutual Learning approach enables you to be as transparent as possible when you cannot be fully transparent. If you are otherwise transparent with your team, you will have earned their trust and they will be more likely to accept your limited explanation.

Taking the First Step

Learn to become aware of when you are assuming that the situation you are in does not allow for using Mutual Learning. Then challenge your assumption to identify a way you can use Mutual Learning by modifying how or when you use it in that situation. Mutual Learning creates powerful results for you and those you use it with. It becomes even more powerful as you identify ways to use it in situations you thought were not possible.

originally published August 2025