Reducing Risk in Risky Conversations

Last week I was coaching a client who wanted to talk to his boss’s boss – the CEO of the organization. He wanted to raise some important issues but was worried that the CEO might not be receptive. He didn’t want to go out on a limb only to find it cut off behind him.

Whatever the topic, many of us are concerned we are taking a risk when we raise issues with people who have more power and authority than we do. We may be concerned that the person will think we are meddling in issues that are not appropriate, that our motives are questionable, that we are challenging their authority, or that we will pay a price for raising the issue. Although you can never eliminate risk in these situations, you can take specific actions to reduce your risk.

Let the person know immediately what you want to talk about and what your intent is.

No one wants to be in a conversation if they don’t know where it is going. Start off by saying something like, “I’d like to talk with you about how we can get more integration among the different parts of our organization. My intent is to ensure that all of the divisions can benefit from each other.” You take an unnecessary risk if you ease-in to the conversation or are not clear about your intent. In either of these cases, the other person is likely to tell himself a story about what you are really getting at and why. And the story the person tells himself is usually negative.

Ask the person what concerns, if any, he or she has about discussing this issue with you.

After you have told the person what you want to talk about and why, ask if he is willing to talk with you and what concerns he has, if any. You take an unnecessary risk by assuming that person is willing to talk or willing to talk at that time.

Tell the person why you’re concerned about talking with him.

Then ask if he will work with you to manage it. For example you might say, “I’m not trying to challenge your authority, and I would really like to know if you think that’s what I’m doing. Would you be willing to tell me, if, at any point, you’re thinking that?” If you have a concern, and keep it to yourself, you increase the risk that your concern will be realized, you will not learn about it, and you will not be able to address it.

Share your reasoning and check it out at each step.

As you explain your thinking, make sure that you use specific examples and that you check whether the person agrees with your examples and each step of your reasoning. For example, you might say, “I remember in the last monthly meeting, Peter from the consumer division and Dawn from commercial division weren’t aware that each other had complementary products that could be cross-sold. Do you remember that differently? [If he doesn’t, continue] That leads me to think there are gaps in building on each others’ sales. What do you think?” If you assume that the person agrees with your examples or your logic without testing it out, you run the risk of moving ahead without the other person or alienating him.

Ask for his interpretation of the situation.

In challenging situations, it’s highly likely that the other person sees things differently than you do. If you don’t ask for his views, he will not be as engaged as he could be – even if he agrees with your views.

Jointly determine the way forward, if possible.

If you reach a common understanding, it may be appealing to act. You will maximize commitment if you genuinely invite your counterpart’s views on next steps, and integrate these into the solution just as you would your own.

Originally published January 2009