What Are You Modeling?
Our clients often say something like, “The Mutual Learning approach is great stuff and our organization would really benefit from using it. But, I’m not sure I can use it with my [fill in the blank with “unilateral” people who have more power than the person speaking]. If I used this approach with these people, it could be a career limiting move.”
To be fair, the topic comes up from lots of different people. But it is a special problem for OD, HR, and coaches. Here’s the problem:
People look to OD, HR and coaching folks to model what the organization could be like.
If you fill one of these roles, people are counting on you. They look to you to learn how to deal with difficult situations without getting people defensive, how to say publicly what everyone is thinking privately and is afraid to say, how to speak your truth to people who have more power. If you’re a leader, your team members may also be counting on you.
When you choose not to model, you are still modeling.
If people hear you talking about the importance of being transparent and being curious, but then experience you as shrinking from the difficult conversations, you are sending a powerful message. Even if you don’t intend to, they learn that the core values are just for times when it’s safe – when there’s not that much at risk. I’m not talking about raising other people’s issues for them; that would be shifting their accountability to you. I’m simply talking about your modeling the behavior you say is important.
Not modeling the Mutual Learning approach can be more career-limiting than modeling it.
It’s obvious what the risks are modeling the Mutual Learning approach; it’s less obvious what the risks are not modeling it. People in your organization already know how to think and act unilaterally. They’re probably very skilled at it – they don’t need you to model that for them. But, when you regularly choose not to model the Mutual Learning approach that you espouse to others, you begin to undermine the approach and your own credibility. Over time people start to wonder, “If he can’t use the approach in challenging situations, what can he teach me?” Over time people stop looking to you as someone who is different – someone who can create positive outcomes where others can’t. Since this is usually the very thing that professional change agents are hired for, not doing it is often a career-limiting move. Even if you keep your job while failing to model a more effective way, you limit your ability to create the change you sought in your organization. This is often not obvious until it’s too late.
You get a choice.
Some of our clients have faced difficult choices after they’ve adopted the Mutual Learning approach. Some of them have found it very difficult to use the approach with their boss (it’s usually their boss) or some other key figures in their organization. Some decided to stay in the organization and not use the approach with their boss. They were close to something they thought they would lose if they used the approach – close to a promotion, retirement, or something else. Others have decided to leave their organization, seeking a place where they can practice an approach they deeply believe in. For most people, the choice isn’t that stark. Still, we find that most people miss or significantly underestimate the risks of choosing not to model the change they’re accountable for creating.
Give others the same compassion you give yourself.
Even if you decide not to model the approach, have the same compassion for others who make the same choice. If your boss and your boss’s boss seem to be acting unilaterally, consider that they may be facing the same private struggles you are – wondering whether it’s career limiting to use the Mutual Learning approach, even with you and other direct reports.
Originally published February 2006
